“I Don’t Want to Do This Anymore!”
When I directed a street mission for women and children many young women came into the center about ready to give birth. So many that I honestly do not know how many births I have had the privilege of witnessing. But one expectant mom sticks out in my mind… She was a young beautiful girl from England. Due to some horrendous circumstances, this formerly extremely affluent young woman ended up homeless and in our street mission. Being used to having the finest things in life, sharing a room with several other women; having to do chores; having to be under authority was quite a stretch for her. She literally had never made a bed before coming to the mission! And now, this precious, sheltered child was going to give birth. She had been in labor for some time and the pains were getting much harder and a lot closer together. It was at this point, with tears running down her face, that she looked up at me and said, “Let us go home now… I don’t want to do this anymore.” I explained to her that she couldn’t go home now. She repeated it again and again. I kept telling her she couldn’t go home. She looked me straight in the eye and yelled, “You don’t understand, I want to go home, I just don’t want to do this anymore.” She then proceeded to try and bite my thumb off. Well, of course she didn’t go home. She gave birth to the most handsome seven plus pound little boy. When the labor pains had subsided; when the delivery was through; what was left was a precious blessing from God…
I think the reason I was thinking about this mom is that there are times all of us “just don’t want to do this anymore.” There are times we become weary: weary spiritually, emotionally, and even physically. It is during these times that we are the most vulnerable. It is during these times that we can make some decisions based on our weariness instead of on our relationship with the Lord. To be frank with you, recently I was going through one of those times. Right now I am having to spend several nights away from home in order to fulfill my ministerial duties. Normally I am okay with this, but on this day, as I was readying myself to leave I got my eyes on my circumstance instead of what God had called me to do. I looked at my husband and could only think about how much I miss him when I am away. I looked at my little boy dog who was pouting because he knew I was packing up. And, because I was already tired, I began to feel sorry for myself! That led to part of me thinking: How can I do what I need to do in this frame of mind? I just want to go home and put my head under the covers! The other part of me could only think: “Girl, you have responsibilities! Get over yourself!” Then, the Lord broke through. I heard the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit reminding me of what I teach my TC students… of what I say to others in this situation. I actually practiced what I preached and by the time I got to our TC center I was joyfully ready to do what God called me to do. The following is what I did:
- I prayed… I got honest with God. I cried out to Abba! I told my Lord exactly how I was feeling and asked Him for His help and for His guidance.
- I called a true friend. I called a friend who I knew would be honest with me; who would pray with me; laugh and cry with me. This friend is one who truly could help carry my burdens.
- I began to encourage myself in the Lord. The Holy Spirit began to bring back to my remembrance encouraging scripture after scripture. I quoted them out loud and declared them through faith.
- I got my praise on! Since I was driving, I had plenty of time to listen to praise music and to worship.
- I chose to guard my thoughts. I purposely began to challenge any negative thought, instead I chose to think on God’s truth.
- I put on an attitude of gratitude! I began thanking God for my countless blessings!
- I got my eyes off of myself: first looking unto God; then looking as to how I could bless others.
The result: I was still physically tired. My situation had not changed, but I had. This made the difference for my day and for those in my sphere of influence. Just food for thought! #mychoicetousemytools.